5 - I stopped loving trains

 

I used to love trains.

Everybody said so.

They called me “the Jew kid” they always saw sitting by the Krakow train yards watching the trains come and go.

I went there whenever I could, sneaking out of school whenever could, always scolded later by momma when I got back to the schule.

I loved the way the wheels moved, show at first, like some great beast gathering strength before a leap, the chug, chug, chug of the coal-burning steam engine and wheels struggling to drag away the rest of the train.

I even loved the way the black soot settled over me, filled with sparks I always saw as eyes, living beings staring out at me from some unimaginable darkness.

I breathed deep air scented in coal and grease, a smell poppa hated because we had to breathe it in all day, living as close to the tracks as we did.

When I was very young I sat at the tracks side and dreamed of all the places those trains might take me, counting down the months, hours, weeks and days to when I would be old enough to take one, places my vivid imagination painted inside me like the scratchy photos I sometimes used to look at in books.

I didn’t really care where those trains went as they took me someplace else other than Krakow.

Momma always scolded me about being such a dreamer, telling me I ought to learn to learn the Torah, respect my elders and take comfort in following in poppa’s footsteps – who she said was an honest man.

Now I don’t dream as much.

I don’t breathe too deeply or stare too hard at the ash that falls.

And now, I don’t love trains.



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